We Wait--Don't Ever Give Up

We wait. Thats what we do we wait. I feel that this advent the season of waiting, for Christmas--waiting for Christ. I wondered growing up what the people felt like waiting for a saviour, waiting for the one who would come to make all the wrong things right. But maybe this year, maybe this season I get it a bit more.

Life is full of great--no wonderful things, moments, joy and love. In this world though we are all to aware of how things have gone wrong--terribly wrong and we desperately thirst for them to be made right. We know that aching hurt of loss from disease--heart disease, cancer, HIV, cancer. We know the void that is there when we lose someone to old age, accidents, --death. Too often we hear stories of tragedies from famine, to hurricanes, wars, shootings at elementary schools to young children claiming their own lives.

 We wait. We wonder. We scream out loud until we feel again.

I look at this broken world and feel the pain it projects, how can it be this way? How can we hate so much? Some more than others it seems, take on more disappointment, suffering, and none of it makes sense.

In those moments it feels only natural for my mind to race through every possibility in ways that I can make the world right. If i donate this, or give that, or become a doctor, or let them live in my home, or move to...or write all these letters, if i fight....if I...if I....if I....if I what? Suddenly I believe I have the power to save the world? We are NOT called to take the pain away from the world. We are NOT called to fix the problems of the world...it is already done. Christ has done that, we are called to help make it better. We cannot take the pain away.

There are days when I cry. I cry so much for the things that are wrong, but I cry in pure thankfulness for the things that ARE RIGHT.  I have my family. I HAVE my family. I have been blessed with an amazing family, a truly crazy-unbelievable-loving-caring-funny-close family. My family knows all too well how crazy, frustrating and annoying I can be, but they love me and have always accepted me, NOT my failures, but me for whatever I am.

I have them. I have my parents (who yes at moments drive me absolutely bat-shit crazy--but can also make me laugh, and joyful like no one else), I have two wonderful brothers and sister-in-laws, along with their children who are the little lights of my life including five nephews and one niece.

Because of this I don't care that it might not be "cool" to go out for dinner with your parents, or going to the movies with your Dad instead of going downtown to Lamplighters on a Friday night. For me, if I lost my Mom, Dad or Brothers or suddenly found out my sister-in-laws or their kids were ill, I'd rather know that I spent the time with them. That I did not mock those opportunities.

Something I learned this year in the midst of my waiting for Christ to come to make this broken world new, is that the little things matter and the little things don't matter. Excuse me? Come again? Let me put it this way, the simple things that we worry about--do not matter in the end. The little moments with family, friends, the ones that make you smile and can tell a story saying " Remember when at Christmas we would re-arrange the NOEL candles to spell EL NO just to see how long it took Mom to notice and frustrate her?" those moments that make you laugh. The ones that remind us of hope, that things are not right at the moment, but they will be one day.

                        Please don't forget that there is Hope. There is always Hope. Hope is Real.

Peak of Christmas

 So this blog entry is a little like trail mix, a bunch of random items thrown together to make something yummy and interesting. A little bit of my week, fun things, and updates of life.

First off I have to say I had a great day last week. A couple weeks ago I was really missing my best friend and feeling that I needed her here to talk through life, give me a hug, and laugh at ridiculous things. I texted her late at night and then went to sleep. The next morning while heading for the USA I received a text from her saying she would be visiting for a few days!!!! So, last Thursday the two of us headed up to Grouse Mountain for the Peak of Christmas. We had a fantastic lunch and time together...it was a fantastic answer to prayer, something in my heart I truly needed.

                                                      View from Grouse while we had Lunch

               Now for some other Randoms that I just find amazing, fun, and things I think interesting.......

While I was cleaning my room today (yes, I know...SHOCKER!) I found this book that I was given for my birthday a couple years ago. My best friend, Christina gave this to me, because apparently it sums up my relationship with Chocolate. It really does....
There is an online reading of this short book : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbI7UD8mt8I

                                                    Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

I was sent this earlier in the week, it made me laugh and smile. I know it's ridiculous, but what isn't on the internet these days?

Yes, this summarizes my entire life's relationship with Math

Skinny Vanilla Lattes at Starbucks 

(I really cannot order at Starbucks to save my life, I only can order 

these because I read it in a magazine.)

I read this book a few years ago and loved it! My Dad recommended it to me and after he learned that the movie was coming out, he decided to take me to it. They did a great job following the book and we were not disappointed! It was a wonderful Father-Daughter outing on opening night. 

I am currently LOVING watching old TV series. Two Favorites right now are I Love Lucy and The Dick Van Dyke Show...they don't make TV like they use to. 

Lucy and Ethel Sing Friendship. I love this Scene

And Finally to End it all I saved the Very Best for Last. While searching for a Bible Passage to help me understand my future, choices to make I came across this PROVERBS 16:1-9. 

Read it, it is well worth your time. 

Bluebird

  I have had a lot on my mind this past week. I've really had a few tough days of struggling through some emotions and harsh realities. I can see that there are things changing in my life and it is quite a frightening reality. A series of events and decisions all seem to collide in one week of my life, and I guess I just don't know how to find the answers.  

I felt at a standstill on Sunday afternoon, (which has carried on throughout the week) where I just did not know where to go. I think it is a build up of the past year and a half of events in my life, and now I feel like I need to answer all these pending questions in the course of this week. I find myself trying to be as honest as possible with myself, asking questions with hard or truly ugly answers. A lot of it is boiling down to who are you called to be and what is being asked of you? In order to get there what needs to be done? 

I find myself frustrated as if I'm trying to untangle myself from my sheets as I do every morning to turn off my alarm, with confusion, aggression and blinded in the dark. I search for the answers to my dreams, but all I feel is that I am fighting my fears of how to get there. 

I am not a poet, a writer or a musician, but I find comfort in these elements of life. I came across this Video of Brittany Myer singing her song called "Bluebird".Also found on here at TWLOHA :http://herewecollide.com/ 

This song reminds me of the emotional struggles I still fight with myself, the those fears of vulnerability, I guess the key now is realizing how to over come those fears with my dreams. 

I Was Broken

  I decided that I wanted to start writing in my blog again. I haven't written in it in about two years, when I was traveling in South East Asia. However, to my frustration I just couldn't access and get back into my former blog, therefore I decided--just create a new one and well, here we are. I really don't know if anyone will actually read this, or even how long I will write diligently in this blog, but lets give it a try.

I wanted to begin with being a bit vulnerable, sharing myself.  I've realized over time that I am my biggest critic. I judge everything I do or don't do--and I have lived my life this way for a long time.  I am that person Charles Horton Cooley talks about in his sociological theory of the Looking Glass Self. This is where a person derives their image of themselves based on how they believe others see them. I have and had created my image based on I thought how others saw me. I have not allowed myself to participate in activities, dress a certain way, voice opinions in class, all for the fear of looking stupid, or sounding uneducated. I have rejected so much of life for not believing I was worthy or good enough.

Right now I'm in a better place, I can say that who I am today is a stronger, more confident woman. I have a lot of emotional scars, and I carry them with me. I won't hide my past, I won't hide who I once was, but that person is not who I am today.

My thought for today...will my self-confidence/image struggles impact my niece or future daughter? How will my negative words of myself influence women around me, mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins? Perhaps I need to choose better words to uplift myself. 

 

When I look at myself in the mirror I will say that I am beautiful, I am loved. I have learned to love myself for who I am right now, but I want to continue to grow, and become a better woman. 

My daily Mantra: 

·          Today, I set my own limitations. I decide what I am capable of, and

I constantly remind myself that I am capable of much more than I usually believe I am.

·          I will Change how I see, not how I look.

·          Today I will celebrate all that my body can do for me each day.

·          I deserve to be loved and I allow myself to be loved as I am.

·          Today I present my love, passion, talent and joy as a gift to the world.

·          Today I love my body fully, deeply and joyfully.

·         "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." – Plato

This song is amazing. I found it via To Write Love on Her Arms blog. It is by Marcus Foster and I think his voice is chilling. I cry when I hear this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI_pPEysgYQ